Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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