maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
