There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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