The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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