grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
His nipple licking is glorious
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