Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
