just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
