...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
