I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
