I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
