boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
