"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
