Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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