Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
