I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There r osticjed everywhere
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
