my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Randomize
