There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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