Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
