I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
