Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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