did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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