Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
