you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
