I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He better not be in your backpack
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
