If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
