So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
