the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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