u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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