I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
