all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
