btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
