Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
