i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at about main and main street
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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