i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
