I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
