shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
