There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had to cum in my sink.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
