Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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