wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
