i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My bed smells like the plague
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