We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
