take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
