K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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