Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
