Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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