sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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