im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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