I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
