I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
