if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
