i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
