My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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