Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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