did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
